Bereavement

Mothers in Sympathy and Support

Access to the Men's Grief site used in this study at http://www.bereavement.org is no longer available as of April 1999.

IMPORTANT NOTE: These sites were reviewed in October 1998. Content & presentation described in this study may have been changed since that time. Please email me with any broken or altered links you may discover.

The studied Web sites on this topic were excruciatingly personal, much more so than any other selected topic including cancer survival and child custody. The outpouring of grief which flows from these sites is a heart-breaking confirmation of the human need to communicate.

A common response to a heavily-accessed topic on the Web is the formation of "Web rings", a non-commercial way to connect individual pages related to the same topic. The number of Web rings related to surviving the death of a child is enormous. An outside observer is forced to conclude that there is something deeply therapeutic in the act of creating a memorial- and the death of a child seems to cut across all other social and gender-related communication rules, producing a flood of grief that does not seem, at first glance, to recognize gender at all. And yet one of the remarkable aspects of searching for sites related to fathers surviving the loss of an infant was the lack of father-specific communities online. While many of the most extensive and agonizingly desolate sites within the personal Web rings were created by fathers, very few resources were widely indexed for groups of fathers (not "parents") to communicate with each other.

The two most heavily indexed sites, one for fathers and one for mothers, do vary considerably in the way they communicate their terrible messages.

Men's Grief is a stark site, with plain black text centered on an absolutely white background. One large, colorless icon , depicting a helmeted man holding his face in his hands, illustrates the isolation expressed by the fathers communicating on this site. The site contains links to non-moderated interactive conferences, sponsored by the Bereavement Research Network, a Canadian organization conducted by a well-known Canadian minister. The site is specifically non-denominational, although clearly Christian in focus. Discussion topics are presented on the opening screen, including "How to deal with immediate pain", "Concentrate on the job" and "Taking it Like A Man." Stress is placed on privacy and the possibility of talking to other men. This site is part of an ongoing project and is divided into a professional area, for counselors and researchers, and a public forum for men anxious to talk to other grieving fathers. Rules for the professional include "This is a 'no holds barred' debate and review conference. NOT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR INSECURE SCHOLAR. Please refer to the BRN Mission Statement for the rules of engagement and registration instructions." Emphasis on authoritative advice is strong: obtaining information is more important than sharing personal experience, although connecting with other men is part of the site's purpose. Throughout this site, there are few graphics, photographs, WAV files (background music), or extraneous design detail. There is no color used. This is a spare, simple site with a clear purpose.

The mother's site used in this study,Mothers In Sympathy and Support(MISS) surfaced repeatedly in all twenty three search engines. Organized by two Arizona women who each lost an infant, one at birth and one to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), the page links to the various organizations that specialize in maternal grief counseling. Many of these groups use the word "parent" and "parental" in their pages, but the overwhelming number of contributors are women. One of the most intriguing aspects of the site for grieving mothers was the extent to which advice was offered, from the mothers themselves to other survivors and pointedly, to concerned associates and professionals. Rather than seeking professional consultation, this sites emphasizes the power of the personal experiences of the members of this community above all else.

"MISS" is a pastel site, with elaborate borders, artwork and variously colored text. Painted angels form the recognizable symbol of the page, most of them contributed by visitors. The site contains a survey, links to family-oriented projects, advice to professionals and selections of poetry and journal entries taken from members. Victorian postcard angels either border or background each page. Like the "Men's Grief" site, "MISS" is also non-denominational, although the heavy use of angel art indicates a Christian philosophy. Discussion topics are presented on the opening screen, including "The Kindness Project" and "Am I Losing My Mind?" Stress is placed on "a safe haven for parents to share their grief after the death of a child." This site participates in the Empty Arms Web ring, the Mourning Light Web ring and the Pregnancy Web ring.

Emphasis on the mother's site is on giving professionals working advice- NOT in soliciting authoritative advice. Obtaining factual information is less important than sharing personal experience, although the site does sell a book, (all proceeds to the SIDS Foundation), schedule conferences and publish newsletters and organizational data. Throughout this site, there is extensive use of color, both in backgrounds, graphics and text. Artwork, personalized photographs, lines, icons and poetry from members are on each page. There are no WAV files (background music), which do occur heavily on individual pages within the linked grief Web rings. This is an elaborate, haphazardly constructed site with a gentle approach, stressing the mental health aspects of loss ("Those who can't hear the music think the dancer is mad") and highlighting the experience of sharing this experience within a community of both "parents" and "mothers."

The number of sites designed specifically by and for grieving mothers were myriad. Of course, the direct physical connection between the mother and infant is undeniably different than that of the father, but if the real world is duplicating itself into Cyberspace, then the number of widely indexed sites designed just for mothers was so much larger that one would conclude the weight given to a mother's grief is somewhat disproportionate to that of the father.

BEREAVEMENT

Each site was analyzed using a spreadsheet constructed of major points in the Sun MicroSystems "Writing for the Web" checklist (See Appendix B for the site analysis spreadsheet found here) The sites were compared on the basis of content (purpose, audience, technical specificiations, interactivity and theme) and design elements (layout, graphics, text, effects and navigation.) The results by topic are detailed below.

Last Updated: April 1999
Copyright © 1999 Tami Sutcliffe
All rights reserved.
Watercolours by Manette Fairmont: "Tuscany" 15x15 and "Field of Angels" 15x15
Courtesy of Left Coa

Last Updated: April 1999
Copyright © 1999 Tami Sutcliffe
All rights reserved.